I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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