Will you blow on my dice?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
