Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
