There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
