sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
