Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
