drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
