yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
