So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
