the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
