I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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