oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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