I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
