I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
