we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
how drunk are you?
Several
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
