You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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