I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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