i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
