I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
