there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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