Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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