I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
