This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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