we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
