I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
