At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He passed out mid-signature
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
