it wasn't lemon gatorade
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
