We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
