I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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