there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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