You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just saw a hot homeless man
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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