I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
