idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
