I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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