How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
