May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
