everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
