my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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