Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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