I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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