Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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