Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
