Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
