She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
