My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
