It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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