It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
