She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
