His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
