so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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