I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
