nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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