There is too much vodka and too much dick.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
