Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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