I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
