He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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