PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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