Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
