Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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