wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
