she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
