the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
