If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Barsexuality is the new black.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
