I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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