It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
