shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
