Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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