Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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