please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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