Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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