can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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