You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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