i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
