dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
