he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize