i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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