Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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