I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
