Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
