If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
